Things to Do Before the Cicadas Wake Up

I remember the last cicada invasion.  You could not get away from them.  I was constantly swatting at them as I walked from my house to the car.  Once at a flea market, a cicada landed on my shirt, and I could not get him to loosen his grip.  About a second before I was set to rip off my shirt in front of a bunch of strangers, a man pulled it off me.  My dog loved to eat them which was downright creepy.  She'd chase them all over the yard and chomp down.  When she'd answer nature's call, sometimes there were complete cicada skeletons in the poo, and always, always there were those red beady eyes staring up at me.

Since they are due to resurface this month, I've made a list of Things to Do Before the Cicadas Wake Up.  If you're squeamish about bugs, you might want to make your own list before it's too late.

1. Read Outside As Often As Possible:  I like to set up my chair on the lawn and under my tree.  It is the most peaceful place to read.  Today I read Amanda Knox's memoir.  It was a riveting story, and I didn't fall asleep once in my chair. I will not be able to read or nap if I have to swat at cicadas all day.
2. Hang My Wash Out:  I love to hang the laundry outside.  It smells so good and sunshine brightens it far more than bleach.  I won't hang it out after the cicadas show up.  I mean, really, who could sleep in sheets that have been sullied by the cicadas' wild mating season?  Who could wear a shirt that may show specks of cicada poo?  Not me!
3. Trim The Bushes and Trees of Dead Branches:  Need I explain this one?  Holding a chain saw and swatting at cicadas sounds like a Blue Cross/Blue Shield claim waiting to happen.
4. Attend Sarah and John's Wedding: Yes, I want them married before the cicadas start swarming.

It's a short list, but honestly, I don't have a lot of time.  They're due here in a matter of weeks.  However, this year unlike the last time, I have a secret weapon.  It's cruel and PETA may come after me because of it.  But, I have one of those electric bug swatters.  They look like badminton raquets; but with a new battery, they have an electric fence effect.  Bang!  Hit the cicada, listen to the sizzle,  and it's bye-bye beady eyes.  Quite frankly, it won't break my heart if I get a few stink bugs at the same time.