The women coming forward are brave. Many have waited years to speak up. More have continued to hide their shame at the expense of their mental and physical health. They know they won't be believed. Women know they will be skewered for turning allegations into court cases. People, specifically men, with far more money and power than those women will ever have, will virtually rape them again. Their characters, their pasts, their mere existences will be shredded in the courts and the quasi-courts of Facebook.
Facebook people make me sick. People who worship a president who has bragged about forcing himself on women but ignore his acts because they believe he has been cleansed of his sins, are some of the worst. People blaming women for going to parties, accepting invitations for a nightcap, wearing provocative clothing run a close second. People sharing memes discrediting the seriousness of the #MeToo movement meet with a 'Block this User' from me. A woman of my generation gave me a ration of FB crap when she claimed that young women need to keep their knees together and I shot back that young men need to stop trying to pry them apart.
I joined a sorority in college and went to a lot of parties. I met a lot of guys at these parties, and most of them were pretty drunk by the end of the night. I heard all kinds of stories about what was going on in the bedrooms, but I rarely had trouble making "no" clear to the few who pushed my boundaries. My sense of self preservation has always been strong. Frat parties could be fun times to explore drinking, dancing, kissing, and more kissing, and well, more. Until we went to a party at a neighboring university.
The frat arranged for a car to bring us over; the driver was a really nice guy. I thought. Upon entering the house, there were a few stairs that led to a long hallway that led to the party room and the beer. Lining both sides of the hallway were leering brothers who laughed and groped us as they forced us to slowly walk single file down the hall. I don't mean unwanted arms around the shoulders, I mean hands on my crotch, my butt, and my breasts. I was furious and demanded the driver return me (the other women weren't upset) to my dorm. And that really nice guy laughed and said no. So, I told my friends I was leaving and I would hitchhike home. (Well, it was the seventies.) Grudgingly they left with me, and we weren't too far from the frat house when a bunch of guys exited a dark parked car and started towards us. Now, I was terrified. We ran into a neighborhood bar and called somebody's boyfriend to come get us. My sorority friends were furious with me. Me. Not the guys who grabbed us or the strangers who threatened us. Me. I will never forget the boyfriend. He was mad as hell, but not at us for dragging him out there. He was furious at the frat guys. It was then, and only then, that the women I was with finally understood that we had been mistreated.
We had a many talks after that. Most of these girls had partied there before and gone through the gauntlet. It was no big deal because, after all, boys will be boys and they do stuff like that. Nobody had been hurt. And then one woman spoke up and described how she'd been trapped in one of the bedrooms at a previous party. How scared she was. How the guy blocked her from leaving the room. She didn't tell anybody because he passed out and she was able to escape, "unharmed." So, she just avoided him at other parties. That was her solution. The fraternity wrote a letter of apology to our sorority. I don't remember what the others did, but I never went back.
Women think they need to be nice, to be polite. What women really need to be is smart. They need to be taught that nobody has the right to touch them inappropriately, no matter how "nice" or drunk/harmless he appears to be. They need to be taught that their "no" is as important as his "oh please baby, it's your fault I'm all worked up." They need to be taught to watch their drinks carefully, and not accept anything that wasn't opened in their presence. They need to be taught that their sexuality is every bit as raging as his, and they are entitled to enjoy it. Enjoy it, not submit to it or lose control of it to one bigger and more powerful. They should feel satisfied, not shamed. Men need to be taught and raised to understand what is acceptable "flirting" and what is unacceptable behavior, no matter what their gonads may be telling them. Men need to understand that many women are beginning to tell, even if it takes them twenty years. If they are truly good guys, then they will have nothing to worry about.
We are living in confusing times, no doubt about it. We are living with issues as old as humanity. However, we are strong. We are educated. We are women, hear us roar. For we have begun screaming, and we will not stop until you listen. Until you hear us. Until respect is mutual, a given. Not something fought for in the courts.
Our country elected a person who was recorded bragging about his exploits with women: You know I'm automatically attracted to beautiful -- I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.
Oh no you can't.
