I've been thinking a lot about a news story I heard today. A sixth grade girl committed suicide at the end of the school year because of bullying. Her parents are blaming the school as sole contributor to her suicide, and they are proudly suing the school district because "they should have done something."
Something. What something?
When I taught, kids were very careful to keep bullying a secret from the teachers. I rarely saw it, and when I dealt with what I saw, I was met with opposition. I called parents who basically didn't believe me but said they would talk to their child. I reported cases to the office, but often the bullied child refused to admit what had happened, so their tormentor went free. Or even more frustrating was when I was encouraged by administrators not to write up an incident because the bully had an IEP and could not be held responsible for behavior caused by his disability. Yes, you read that correctly.
Those were the "old days," the days before computer use was commonplace. Cyberbullying, now, is widespread.
Kids have very sophisticated ways to cyberbully other children. And parents are quick to go to school authorities about what is done on social media. I don't understand why they think the school is responsible for handling what is happening outside of school. Schools teach kids how to use technology, but a school can't restrict a child's use of his/her home computer. How are schools entirely responsible for controlling and stopping the bullying?
If it gets so far that a child is suicidal, where are the parents? Why haven't they taken the technology away from their kid for the kid's own mental well-being? Why aren't they dealing with the other parents and, if necessary, the police? Why isn't the kid in counseling? Some bullying could simply be stopped by teaching a child how to handle mean kids. How does an eleven year old reach that point of no return and nobody intervene before that child commits suicide?
I just don't understand. There are an awful lot of "bullying" programs worked into school curriculum, but are any of them effective? Schools proclaim they are anti-bullying, but they consistently do not follow the policies so idealistically established.
What is going on in our world that children are unable to defend themselves or be defended in a mean society? What is going on that leads them to death by their own hands?
Sometimes I wonder if people secretly admire the "mean girls" for their popularity and "leadership" qualities. Sometimes I wonder if boys are considered more masculine if they torture weaker classmates. And sometimes I wonder how much of the bullying behavior is actually modeled as normal by the adults in charge of raising the next generation.
When asked what the parents filing the lawsuit hope to accomplish, they claimed they wanted schools to stop sweeping bullying under the rug. I don't think it's being swept under any rug, but I honestly don't know how much more schools can be expected to handle outside of reading, writing, and arithmetic.
I feel such sorrow for those parents and the parents of other children who have ended their lives. But, the problem is far more complex than any school's responses to bullying. I guess the lawsuit will help those parents feel like they are doing "something." But what?
