Thank Yous

This is the season of gifts and parties and gifts and more gifts.  Hope you all had a good time.  And I hope you all expressed your thanks.

When I was a kid (aka: Back in the old days, The way we used to do things, In my day) we had to write thank you notes for gifts.  We had to write them to adults or relatives, whether-or-not they were there when we opened the gift.  I liked to write, so it was no big deal for me.  In fact, I much preferred writing than calling to say thank you.  I was taught it was important to thank someone for thinking of you, even if you had to wonder what where they thinking when you opened your gift.

I thought thank yous were so important that I included them in my teaching.  Every year I taught a letter writing unit which included friendly letters, business letters, sympathy notes, and thank you notes.  Most of my students enjoyed that unit.  Probably the most fun was had when I directed them to write sincere thank you notes for imaginary horrendous gifts.  We'd laugh out loud as they were shared in class, but my students ultimately understood that thank yous were important, no matter what the gift.

So, I just don't get it.  Why don't people write thank you notes anymore?  I am not talking about writing notes to people who are sitting in front of you and can be personally thanked for a gift.  That's not usually necessary, unless they gave you a gift so grand a verbal thank you isn't enough.  In fact, at showers or birthday gatherings when the gifts are opened in front of me, I specifically tell the recipient not to write a thank you note as I have already been thanked.  They appreciate the reprieve, and all is fine. I do not care if I receive a thank you for a gift I have given to someone who is in mourning.  I am pretty sure that I missed some people after the deaths of my parents.  I was not thinking straight and in a lot of pain.  Mourners do not have to follow any etiquette rules; they just have to concentrate on pushing through the grief and letting friends help them.  Happy newlyweds - sorry, but you are not excused.

This "trend" of not sending thank yous for gifts received at weddings or gifts received when the giver and recipient are not together in person is appalling.  Lack of acknowledging wedding gifts is inexcusably rude.  About twelve years ago I could not attend a wedding because I was traveling in China.  While there, I had an artist draw up a wedding announcement with Chinese calligraphy and art work.  It was gorgeous, if I do say so myself.  I gave it to the groom's parents to deliver when they next saw the couple who had moved out of the area to their new home.  I ran into the groom a year or so later and had to ask if they ever received it because I never heard from them.  Yes, he was embarrassed. He should have been. He said they loved it and have it proudly displayed. It would have been nice to tell me, don't you think?

Within the past few years, I have attended weddings and not received thank yous for my gifts.  Since they were checks and those checks were signed and cashed, I knew they'd been received.  So, you can sign a check but can't say thank you?  Rude. Rude. Rude.  And no, you don't have a year to write a thank you note.  If you believe in taking that year, I personally think you are taking that long in the hopes your guests will forget.  We don't.  I have to compliment Donna and Bill's daughter who was recently married.  There were probably 250 people at that wedding, yet that couple had thank you notes written within weeks. I was amazed and appreciative.  I could go on and detail gifts I have sent that were never acknowledged, but I think I've made my point.  Or said enough.  Whatever.

Is this a generational thing?  Do young people not send or expect official thank yous?  Is it only old people like me who hang around the mailbox waiting for a note on creamy white paper?  Enlighten me, please, if I am
so hopelessly behind the times.  I'd appreciate your input.

Let me take this time to thank you all for reading and sharing my blog.  I have enjoyed writing my thoughts, and I have really enjoyed your comments and responses to my opinions.  Thank you for civility and kindness.  Thank you for the compliments.  Here's to joy and happiness in 2014 and to more A-muse-ings from your curmudgeony friend.