I used to love the Keswick theater, a smallish venue outside of Philadelphia. Those of you who remember the Main Point in Bryn Mawr know how special a place like that can be. Sadly, the Keswick is no longer this generation's Main Point.
Over the years, I have seen all kinds of shows there from Chinese acrobats to Wanda Sykes to fake Beatles to Cyndi Lauper, twice. After last night however, I am done with them. Cyndi was great, the Keswick not so great.
The Keswick needs to decide if they are a dance venue or a theater venue. Seriously, I know that many clubs exist where kids go in, grab their booze at the bar, then stand on an open dance floor where they actively experience the music. Last I checked, the Keswick didn't have a mosh pit in their theater. They had seats. Expensive seats. Seats that too many people choose to ignore. I get it if you want to stand up and dance as the concert draws to an end; a good musician should drive you to that point. But to stand for the sake of standing is just plain rude!
Don't tell me to get with it and join in the standing fun. At five feet tall, I'd have to stand on the seat to see over the six feet tall gaggle of gay guys blocking my view. Yes, I know Cyndi is a great friend to the LGBT community; but news flash guys - you do not have the corner on fandom. She did not write Girls Just Wanna Have Fun for you! She wrote it for me and all those other women twice your age whose views you were blocking. If you possessed an ounce of courtesy, you'd have moved your dance party to the sides of the theater. But nooooo, you were going to do what you wanted, when you wanted, and where you wanted.
I blame the Keswick for this. When people from the back congregate up front blocking the aisles and the views of those who paid a hefty fee for their seats, security needs to return them to their section. When people are standing and audience members are yelling, Down in front, don't expect your patrons to cooperate. Send security to sit them the hell down. I saw a few things that scared me. This big old blockhead was standing in the aisle, dancing in a way most white men try to avoid. A little, and I mean tiny, woman confronted him and asked him to sit. He began screaming at her, bending down, face purple, spittle flying and telling her to F this and F that or he would F her up. I was frozen and ready to go get help, when she backed away and he went back to his stupid little dance. That asshat was dangerous and stinkin' drunk and should have been removed from the theater. Cyndi had to stop her concert to appeal to some audience members who'd started to fist fight. What where they fighting over? Idiots blocking their views. And that brings me to what has really turned me off to the Keswick - their irresponsible sale of alcohol.
Any business that sells alcohol is required by law to stop serving customers who are obviously intoxicated. Not the Keswick. Unlike other theaters I've attended, their bar is open from an hour before the show starts to its close. From what I observed, they are doing a booming business. I was shocked to see a guy balancing six beers in his hands as he stumbled down the aisle. Does the theater have any idea where that alcohol is going? (No!) Are they providing limitless booze for underage drinkers? (Yes!) Is alcohol being delivered to people too drunk to walk to the bar by themselves? (Yes!) How many of those same people are going to start fights in the theater? (From what I saw, there were a bunch of "fires" being put out by Lauper's security.) How many of those people will get behind the wheel of a car at the end of the show? When is the Pennsylvania Liquor Board going to shut them down? Think about that lack of revenue, Keswick Theater owners, as you peddle your cocktails.
Which one is it, Keswick? Are you a theater venue or a dance bar? 'Cause I don't go to dance bars anymore. Until you decide what you are, I won't be going to Glenside for theater anymore either.
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