Homeownersh*t, part 3

I remember years ago when my friend Vivien described the mess she and her husband made while trying to lay carpet in a bathroom.  She said, "People like Tom and me shouldn't own houses."  That comment has stayed with me for over thirty years.  I'm convinced that I am also one of those people.

My pear tree needed some pruning, so I decided to take down some of the lower and smaller limbs.  I used my hand saw, and got most of them removed.  Using my handsaw and pruning shears, I was able to cut most of those branches down enough to fit into the required receptacles for town removal.  One branch was just too much, so I decided to buy a chainsaw.

I've used a chainsaw before.  I borrowed one from Sandy C., and it worked great.  However, all I needed to do with hers was plug it in.  My new one had to be oiled.  The chain had to be adjusted.   I had to follow directions.  I am not good at following directions, especially when the directions are written in a way that assumes one is somewhat familiar with the basic principles of tools.

I went to school before shop became co-ed.  I am not familiar with anything mechanical.  The simplest mechanical concepts are hieroglyphics to me.

Who knew an electrical saw would need oil?  Not me.  So, I had to run out to Wal Mart and buy the specific oil needed and a funnel.  Let me give you all a money saving tip.  If you ever need a funnel, do NOT buy it in the hardware department.  There, a simple funnel set of two is $4.98.  Go to the housewares department where a funnel set is $.98.  Yes, a four dollar difference!

I picked up my oil and funnels and headed to the car.  Don't ask me how I did it, but I tripped over my own feet and went sliding into home base.  Luckily, my face wasn't beat up and nothing was broken.  But, my right arm is skinned like a squirrel in an Appalachian kitchen.  Let me take a moment to thank the Lord that nothing was broken and that some of the bystanders kindly came to my rescue.  Thumbs up for the people of Wal Mart!

I got home and assembled my tools.  The directions showed me where to add the oil.  They cautioned me not to overfill the tank.  Jeezy peezy...I had a big bottle of oil.  Who knew the chainsaw tank was so small?  So yes, I made a freakin' mess.

After a few cuts with the saw (and yes, I used safety glasses), I was proud of myself for recognizing that the chain needed to be adjusted.

And that's where it all went wrong.

Seriously, I looked at the pictures.  I read the directions.  I really, really thought I was doing it right.  Until everything just fell apart in my lap, and I couldn't put it back together again.  I was supposed to loosen some screws, not remove them.  And that, dear friends, was my downfall.  After too much cussing for a Sunday afternoon, I gathered all of the parts, put everything together in a box, and shelved the darn thing.  Hopefully, the man who mows my lawn will be able to reassemble it for me. 

I am not even going to state the obvious.  Oh hell, yes I am!

If I had a husband, none of this would have happened.  Well, that is unless I had Vivien's husband.  'Cause he, too, is one of those people who just shouldn't own a house.