I often hear people describe their lives as soap operas. Usually they mean there's a lot of drama happening. I, however, have watched General Hospital since the early 70's. I don't think people who believe their lives are soap operas actually watch them, or they wouldn't use the expression so casually.
Right now there is a story on GH that involves four characters, Anna (the ex-secret agent turned police commissioner), Robert (also a secret agent and her ex-husband and the father of their child, Robin -who, by the way, is currently believed dead but is really being held prisoner in a Swiss hospital), Faison an evil villain who is wearing a rubber mask that makes him look exactly like one of Anna's other former husbands, Duke, who is the fourth person in the story also being held prisoner by Faison. Confused? Me too. Heck, I wasn't even sure how to punctuate the sentence. What's the best part of this story? Years ago all four characters were blown to smithereens in explosions. Anna and Robert even appeared as ghosts to advise and comfort their teenage daughter when her first lover died of AIDS and she was diagnosed with the HIV virus. So far, the teen lover has stayed dead....but everybody else who was blown up or burned to death was really alive all along!! There's an amazing clinic in Switzerland that seems able to put the body pieces together and kaboom! alive again!!
So, if your life is a soap opera, lucky you. Nobody you love, or yourself for that matter, will ever die...as long as there is someone to take the body pieces to that Swiss clinic.
Children on soap operas are another source of wonder. One wonders how the kids ever get to know their parents. Carly, for example, is always shacking up with somebody and she never has to worry about interrupting her trysts with a PTA meeting. The nanny takes care of all of that minutia. The kids never get sick, unless of course it is a major illness that actually refocuses the drama on the hospital set, instead of the docks where the shady mafia turned good guys operate their coffee business. And then, no matter what the mysterious illness, everybody recovers during sweeps month and moves on to the next mystery. That mystery being, how a five year old returns from the hospital or boarding school as an eighteen year old. One of the fun parts of soap operas is when a child no one knew they had mysteriously appears as a young adult in Port Charles. This usually happens around the time schools let out for the summer. It's totally believable though; I mean, after all, soap opera parents don't raise their kids so why should it be a surprise when one sneaks away or an extra kid shows up?
Yep, if your life was a soap opera you wouldn't have to mess with any of the trappings of child rearing. The perfect nanny would always be on call so you could do whatever you want. Beware, though, that when your kids come down to breakfast and they've suddenly aged ten or twelve years they will be emotionally messed up. Why not? After all, they were totally abandoned by their parents at crucial points in their development.
The best part of living a life that is a soap opera? You can literally stop the world and get off. Yep, in soap opera land you can leave your life and have a stand-in, the new you, take over. That stand-in will have all your memories, many of your mannerisms, and be able to handle all the events of your life as if they'd always been you. Or you'd always been them. Whatever. You can come back when you're ready. Kind of tempting, isn't it?
If you truly live a soap opera life, you are probably white, thin, and dressed in the latest haute couture. If you work, you can leave whenever you want to solve a major family crisis; you may own the latest in Smart phones, but why use a phone when a visit is so much more effective? You may have a few black neighbors (thanks to super couple Angie and Jesse), but don't expect to see many Asians or Hispanics. The Asian community in Port Charles usually springs to life around Chinese New Year, and then they're gone for another year. Hispanics materialize, speak with a bad accent, and then fade into the sunset. So, if you live a soap opera life, you're not culturally diverse. And that's a real shame. (Heck, even in Ceciltucky the people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.)
My life is not a soap opera. But if yours is, I'll be tuning in tomorrow on Facebook to see how your world turns.
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